The idea of sitting down with your child to talk about sex and relationships can send even the most confident parents into a spiral. Maybe you’re mentally Googling age-appropriate resources at 11pm. Maybe you’re replaying the uncomfortable version of “the talk” you received (or didn’t receive) growing up. Add in everything kids are absorbing from social media about bodies, self-worth, and relationships, and it’s easy to feel completely overwhelmed before the conversation even starts.
Where Most Parents Get Stuck
Most parents jump straight to what to say. But a more important question is who is showing up to say it.
Before you plan what to tell your child about sex, relationships, and safety, it helps to start with yourself.
The Most Overlooked Starting Point: Your Own Story
Talking to kids about sex and relationships isn’t just about delivering accurate information, it’s about having a real conversation. And good conversations require you to know what you’re bringing to the table.
That means getting honest about your own history.
How were you taught about sex growing up? Did a parent sit you down for a formal “talk,” or did you piece it together from older cousins, health class, and whatever you could find online? Was the information you received shaped by religious beliefs, fear, or shame? Did you feel equipped to make decisions for yourself? Or did you feel confused, embarrassed, and alone with your questions?
Beyond recalling the how, try to notice the feeling those memories bring up. Did you feel ambushed when a parent suddenly wanted to talk after you came home from a date? Were you left to figure it out on your own, or did someone actually make you feel equipped? And what about the messages from your culture or peer group — did they contradict what you were taught at home?
Reflecting on your own experience of sex education can reveal a lot, including what you want to replicate for your child and what you’d rather leave behind. If you were handed a book and told “let me know if you have questions,” you may remember the loneliness of that moment. If an aunt or older family member handled it openly and warmly, you might want to build a small “support network” of trusted adults your child can turn to beyond just you.
One practical place to start:
Set aside time to journal. Writing down your memories and the emotions attached to them can help you identify what’s still unresolved, colloquially what therapists sometimes call “baggage,” so it doesn’t unconsciously shape the conversation you have with your child. If something significant surfaces, that’s a natural entry point for individual therapy.
Getting Clear on Your Values
Once you’ve reflected on your own experience, the next layer is values -yours, specifically.
Do you approach sex and relationships through the lens of religious or spiritual teaching? Do you prioritize honesty, mutual respect, personal responsibility, or consent? Where did those values come from, and how consciously are you holding them?
Taking stock of your values before the conversation helps you get clear on what you actually want your child to walk away believing, not just knowing. Do you want them to understand that this information comes with responsibility? That their worth isn’t tied to their body or what others think of it? That they can come back to you with questions without fear of judgment?
If you’re not sure where to start, a simple online search for “core values list” can be a useful prompt. You might also reflect on the people and experiences that shaped you most, what principles did they pass on, even implicitly?
Clarifying your values is also one of the most meaningful things therapy can offer. A good therapist can help you identify what matters most to you, notice patterns you haven’t yet named, and show up to hard conversations, including this one, with more intention and less anxiety.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
Research consistently shows that parents are the most influential source of information about sex and relationships for children and adolescents, far more than peers or social media, even when it doesn’t feel that way. But that influence is strongest when conversations are ongoing, not a one-time event, and when kids feel safe asking questions rather than afraid of the reaction they’ll get.
That starts with you doing the internal work first.
You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone.
If you’re a parent of a tween or teen in the DC Metro area and you’ve been putting off this conversation because you genuinely don’t know where to begin, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
Mid-Atlantic Psychotherapy offers a 6-week parent support group in Vienna, VA focused on exactly this topic. You’ll have the opportunity to reflect on your own experiences, get clear on your values, and walk away with practical language and strategies for talking to your child about sex, relationships, and safety, in a way that actually feels like you.
We also offer individual therapy if you’d prefer one-on-one support. Our clinicians work with adults navigating parenting stress, life transitions, and identity questions in-person in Vienna, VA or via telehealth across DC, Maryland, and Virginia.
Interested in Exploring More?
- Essentials for Parenting Teens:
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (n.d.). Parenting teens: About. Retrieved June 24, 2026, from https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-teens/about/index.html
- 11 Tips for Communicating with Your Teen:
- UNICEF. (n.d.). 11 tips for communicating with your teen. https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-care/11-tips-communicating-your-teen
- Ideas for How to Improve Communication with Your Teen:
- Business Insider. (2025, October). A new way to communicate with teens so they open up. https://www.businessinsider.com/new-way-communicate-with-teens-open-up-2025-10
About the Author
Colleen Karchunas is a Mental Health Counseling Intern at Mid-Atlantic Psychotherapy under the clinical supervision of Christina Moynihan, LICSW, LCSW. Colleen’s educational and professional background has included supporting adults, young adults, and adolescents in their journey to become most fully and authentically themselves. In addition to supporting folks with depression and anxiety, Colleen specializes in working with members of the LGBTQIA+ community, individuals navigating life transitions, spiritual/religious identity concerns and trauma, and religious deconstruction and reconstruction. Her approach to therapy integrates a variety of theoretical perspectives including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and mindfulness. Colleen greatly values creating a trusting space in the therapy room that allows for safety, exploration, openness, and authenticity.